One thing that irks me a lot is reading peoples online blogs and hearing them try to give some cliche write up that they obviously, thesaurus every other word to appear intelligent. They speak of sad things and how tough there life is. So on that note, I’m going to do something along the same lines… minus thesaurusing every other word and telling you how bad my life is. Cause truly. My life is rad. But it has it’s lame moments.
One thing I always try to do, and I think do pretty well, is to always live passionately. It doesn’t matter what your doing, just be ‘hardcore’ about it. It’s an idea I got from my youth pastor back when youth group was the shiznite. Doesn’t matter if your playing video games, just getting freaking good and play lots and be hardcore! Find your niche in life and go to the max. I think by living like this, you avoid emptiness. Something, I haven’t been avoiding for like 1.5-2.5 weeks now. (I don’t know why I can’t just sat 1-3 weeks either.)
Basically since my kick ass grades of the first marking period I decided to flub off and stop working hard in school and I started going to bed way later then I normally which is already late. My normal 11-12 time of going to bed is like 12-2 now even on school nights. I zone out all day, somehow get through swim practice (Which since I’ve broken my ribs have been unusually excelling at). I just want to go home and do nothing. Is what I think about all day. Rather than my creative wanna get up and go usual self. With the lack of sleep my room gets messier and messier and I get angry way easier. Every night I would be like “ok im going to go to bed earlier tomorrow and catch up on all my work and clean my room. Bulllllll. haha.
With the less sleep I got and the shittier I felt and the less I kept completing. I was just living, but not living. I was like… in a zone all day. I just wanted to get through it. Something that so far this year I have not been doing. Every I usually love it, and school wasn’t so bad. As I became empty I made some stoooopid decisions.No I didn’t do drugs or something. And yes I’ll be fine, and yes I wish I hadn’t and its not really a big deal. It was an interesting experience though and I learned from it. I love learning and I needed to learn what I learned but I wish I could have just had the knowledge with about being a jew about it. But what I did was passionless and retarded. EMPTY. Lame. I could have really hurt some people that I care about too… It might still.
BUT, on the bright side of things. It was a freaking wake up call. Glad it happened. Wake the fudge up Caulen. And I did. no more flubbing shit off. Gotta get back to my school work and just being the mack daddy that I am. You dont work, you dont eat. You dont grind, you dont shine.Something hit home with me in this music video.
